She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
