i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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