Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
