You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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