Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
