she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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