I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
