fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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