you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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