I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
