The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
