I'm drive I can fine osifer
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
