Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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