I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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