you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
