As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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