i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
