Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
