oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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