perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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