I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the condom got lost in my hair
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
its liver damage thursday
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
