Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
