I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My liver just had a heart attack.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
