i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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