I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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