i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
