who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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