Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Randomize
