He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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