she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
