butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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