I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
