HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
