is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
