Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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