I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
