is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
