How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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