He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize