Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
