i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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