i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
