I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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