ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i dont even know how to be here
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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