absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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