I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
