My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
