smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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