Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
