So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
