I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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