Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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