Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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