he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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