FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I see more hoeing in ur future
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