am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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