One girl and one boy is just not enough.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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