3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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