Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
