Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
