I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
