i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
