4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
