so that wasnt chicken after all
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
