someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
