It's like God shit irony all over that family
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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