that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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