you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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