Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize