I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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