Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
