We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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