It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
