ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize