After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
