Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
