Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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